Are you being sarcastic?

Psychologists and counselors will generally tell you it’s not okay to use sarcasm, that it’s passive-aggressive, demeaning, and establishes negative relationships…especially with children. In most cases, if you have a mean intent you are not helping others out by being sarcastic with them, and with young children or people further from you on the autistic spectrum, literalism rules the mind, so sarcasm is confusing. Being intentionally confusing is mean.
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I recall learning this difference because exiting 4^th grade students “get” sarcasm, so the year I switched to teach 3^rd grade, I quickly realized that incoming 3^rd graders do not get sarcasm. Because my jokes did not have a mean intent, we created a cue system that if I made a sarcastic comment I would slap the side of my desk immediately after so they would know it was funny and to give me a courtesy laugh. Pretty soon, they started developing a sense of when and how I would use sarcasm, in a group setting, where no one is personally targeted. For example, when a transition between activities takes longer than it should, I might announce, “I see we’re all having a slow-motion day, what are the chances? (slap, slap)” At first I would follow by telling them, “This means move faster.” Soon, I could just make the first comment, slap the desk and the kids would get the message that we need to move faster. The also learned that adults, teachers, can be funny and still develop accountability. Learning can be fun.

Sarcasm must be taught, but the context in which you teach it is important. While some kids are raised in sarcastic environments others are quite the opposite, thus sarcasm comes off as mean. Society is full of sarcasm and kids need to learn to decipher as they sharpen their higher-order thinking skills. Think of most sit-coms, comedic movies, and even commercials. Like it or not, we’ve addicted our children to screen media where sarcasm is a mainstay. And, sarcasm is funny.

So if you’re worried about breaking a kid’s spirit or breaking some social mores, don’t. Be nice. Care about people. Use sarcasm purposefully and teach it. How do you feel about sarcasm and how have you used it appropriately with kids?